Happy Mother's Day!
Tori told me last night she wanted to be a mommy when she grew up, "Just like you, Mom." I told her that was a great goal to have, and the most important and rewarding job she could pick. I told her that was my favorite job of all and that I loved taking care of her and her brother. She smiled and proceeded to scamper out of the room to go potty. Yep, good talk.
This mother's day Russ is in Singapore on business. It won't be the day of sleeping in, meals cooked (or rather take-out picked up), everything-done-for-mom-isn't-she-great day that I expected (or was looking forward to) as a family. Instead, my best friend is coming in to town to watch Tori and Will while I go get a facial, maybe run an errand or two, and we get to hang out. I get to care for and enjoy the children as I would on any other Sunday and that's all OK with me. When I realized Russ was going to be away I was initially really bummed...mostly because of the sleeping in part! Then my friend offered to come and we created what will be a really nice day. Life is full and that is what counts.
On Sunday morning when Tori wakes me up I will tell her it's Mother's Day and we will talk about all the fun things we are going to do that day. Then we'll probably go get Will and fill him in on the plans, admire his ridiculously cute toothless smile, wake up my friend, get breakfast and see where the day takes us. Well, it's taking me for a facial, but beyond that, the world is ours. What more could a mom ask for?
Friday, May 10, 2013
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Separation Anxiety
As in...mommy separation anxiety.
I work from home and since the birth of Will we decided a nanny would work best for our family. Someone who could take Tori to pre-school and pick her up, take the children to the park and on other excursions, play dates, errands if I need something. The goal was to imitate as much as an "office" environment as possible for me with my return to work.
Obviously, there are some things that are different simply because I work in the same place my children are being cared for. Tori is very well aware where I am during the day...three steps away from her playroom. While she doesn't interrupt my day very often, it is easy for the both of us to want the occasional middle-of-the-day reassurance that we're here for one another in the form of a hug & kiss or verbal acknowledgment that all is right with the world. I also need food & water, bathroom breaks, time to pump. All of these activities require me to leave my confined space and cross paths with the kids and their nanny.
The nanny is great. She is very good with the children, gives them what they need, is receptive to ideas and is their playmate. The problem is, I am not great. It is admittedly very challenging for me to sit here and listen to their giggles, the funny things that are said throughout the day, the pitter patter of Tori running the halls, her cries when she falls and bumps herself, and Will's cries when he is uncomfortable. No doubt I know they are being well-cared for but sometimes I still think (selfishly) that only I could do it better. When Will cries and I here his nanny carrying him for a nap, I instantly think...no, he's hungry or he needs a diaper change, a change of scenery or he just wants to be held and walked around. The hard thing is though, I am not standing there watching, I am only listening so none of my ideas are necessarily right, they are all just instinctive feelings. My own role play of the actions I would take to turn those cries into a smile. It's ridiculous. I know his nanny is going through all of the motions to make him happy. Babies sometimes just have uncomfortable days. I know this because if I think back to my maternity leave, Will cried when he was with me too. Tori fell and bumped herself, had tantrums and your run-of-the-mill 3 year old behavior, just the same when I was home with her. We giggled, we danced, we played. The only difference now is, I am in here and they are out there...with someone else, and it is not me, their mom.
On the flip side, I'm not ready to be a stay at home mom. There are some aspects to working that I need for my sanity. Like getting dressed. Or at least, out of pajamas. Talking to adults, keeping my career going without having to worry about re-entering the work force in a few years. Regular showers, breaks to go to the gym and even a little make-up. Peace and quiet.
It's a catch 22 for me. It really is because I would (I think) easily give up everything I just mentioned if I could have the opportunity to be home with them. And I grapple with what the right answer is almost every day. Russ still needs a wife, a clean showered wife, who isn't overwhelmed when he comes home from a long day at work. And I know for centuries mothers have stayed home full time with their kids, many with more than 2 kids, and it isn't as dramatic as I am making it sound. But this entry isn't about everyone else. It's about me. And I can tell you when I was home full time, I might have been meeting the needs of the children but I wasn't meeting my own needs very well, let alone Russ'. The best thing I do for myself is leave work at 6 p.m. and truly leave it until both of the kids are in bed if I have to absolutely return emails or catch up from a busy day. It's only a couple of hours a day that I get with Tori and Will and some of that time is spent on feeding them, doing laundry, whatever. I try to involve Tori in everything so she is by my side helping me or just plain keeping me company.
This is still a new schedule for us and I hope it gets easier and that I can adapt better as time goes on. The real problem is there is no true separation for me. I do not get in my car and drive away or bring them to a daycare and wave good-bye. I have begun to tune certain things out, listen to music at my desk and limit the times I leave my office to times when they are napping so I am not interrupting the nanny's flow either. I have to imagine it is an unusual situation for her too, but she seems to be doing better with it than I am. My heart hurts sometimes and I have never had that feeling before. It is a true heaviness that I am struggling to shake off.
I know this blog is intended to be about wellness and the adventures of becoming a vegan. Sometimes I have found that in the quest for overall wellness, it's more than the tangible things in life that can be or need to be changed. I am writing this to help myself find the balance that I need to bring more happiness into my life. And right now, more happiness means wanting to spend more time with my children. So how do I do it? I'll have to put more thought into it and let you know what I come up with because right now, I don't have the answer.
I work from home and since the birth of Will we decided a nanny would work best for our family. Someone who could take Tori to pre-school and pick her up, take the children to the park and on other excursions, play dates, errands if I need something. The goal was to imitate as much as an "office" environment as possible for me with my return to work.
Obviously, there are some things that are different simply because I work in the same place my children are being cared for. Tori is very well aware where I am during the day...three steps away from her playroom. While she doesn't interrupt my day very often, it is easy for the both of us to want the occasional middle-of-the-day reassurance that we're here for one another in the form of a hug & kiss or verbal acknowledgment that all is right with the world. I also need food & water, bathroom breaks, time to pump. All of these activities require me to leave my confined space and cross paths with the kids and their nanny.
The nanny is great. She is very good with the children, gives them what they need, is receptive to ideas and is their playmate. The problem is, I am not great. It is admittedly very challenging for me to sit here and listen to their giggles, the funny things that are said throughout the day, the pitter patter of Tori running the halls, her cries when she falls and bumps herself, and Will's cries when he is uncomfortable. No doubt I know they are being well-cared for but sometimes I still think (selfishly) that only I could do it better. When Will cries and I here his nanny carrying him for a nap, I instantly think...no, he's hungry or he needs a diaper change, a change of scenery or he just wants to be held and walked around. The hard thing is though, I am not standing there watching, I am only listening so none of my ideas are necessarily right, they are all just instinctive feelings. My own role play of the actions I would take to turn those cries into a smile. It's ridiculous. I know his nanny is going through all of the motions to make him happy. Babies sometimes just have uncomfortable days. I know this because if I think back to my maternity leave, Will cried when he was with me too. Tori fell and bumped herself, had tantrums and your run-of-the-mill 3 year old behavior, just the same when I was home with her. We giggled, we danced, we played. The only difference now is, I am in here and they are out there...with someone else, and it is not me, their mom.
On the flip side, I'm not ready to be a stay at home mom. There are some aspects to working that I need for my sanity. Like getting dressed. Or at least, out of pajamas. Talking to adults, keeping my career going without having to worry about re-entering the work force in a few years. Regular showers, breaks to go to the gym and even a little make-up. Peace and quiet.
It's a catch 22 for me. It really is because I would (I think) easily give up everything I just mentioned if I could have the opportunity to be home with them. And I grapple with what the right answer is almost every day. Russ still needs a wife, a clean showered wife, who isn't overwhelmed when he comes home from a long day at work. And I know for centuries mothers have stayed home full time with their kids, many with more than 2 kids, and it isn't as dramatic as I am making it sound. But this entry isn't about everyone else. It's about me. And I can tell you when I was home full time, I might have been meeting the needs of the children but I wasn't meeting my own needs very well, let alone Russ'. The best thing I do for myself is leave work at 6 p.m. and truly leave it until both of the kids are in bed if I have to absolutely return emails or catch up from a busy day. It's only a couple of hours a day that I get with Tori and Will and some of that time is spent on feeding them, doing laundry, whatever. I try to involve Tori in everything so she is by my side helping me or just plain keeping me company.
This is still a new schedule for us and I hope it gets easier and that I can adapt better as time goes on. The real problem is there is no true separation for me. I do not get in my car and drive away or bring them to a daycare and wave good-bye. I have begun to tune certain things out, listen to music at my desk and limit the times I leave my office to times when they are napping so I am not interrupting the nanny's flow either. I have to imagine it is an unusual situation for her too, but she seems to be doing better with it than I am. My heart hurts sometimes and I have never had that feeling before. It is a true heaviness that I am struggling to shake off.
I know this blog is intended to be about wellness and the adventures of becoming a vegan. Sometimes I have found that in the quest for overall wellness, it's more than the tangible things in life that can be or need to be changed. I am writing this to help myself find the balance that I need to bring more happiness into my life. And right now, more happiness means wanting to spend more time with my children. So how do I do it? I'll have to put more thought into it and let you know what I come up with because right now, I don't have the answer.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
I am 37 today. And I haven't written a post for my blog since 2011. That is about to change. Big times, as my daughter Tori would say.
Since 2011 a lot has happened. The events that stand out to me at this moment are: I had a baby boy named Will this past January, a major exacerbation which left me with extremely limited use and weakness in my legs for the better part of 2 months last summer, I discovered I love to swim and am equally excited about continuing to swim for my cardio workouts and general peace of mind, Tori began pre-school (!) last fall, I took an amazing vacation with my husband to Jamaica all the way back in November 2011 and I am still proudly vegan-ish. The -ish part is for fun since I do eat fish and the occasional egg!
I have been thinking a lot lately about sitting down and picking the blog back up. Writing was a good way for me to reflect and sort my thoughts on the things happening in my life. Although it's a bit of tunnel vision since I am writing within my own world, maybe some of the things I share can help others. We'll see.
For now, happy birthday to me as I tip back a small glass of wine since I am still on the clock. A short break never hurt anyone, and neither did a glass of wine.
Wow, am I really 37? Don't answer that. Cheers!
Since 2011 a lot has happened. The events that stand out to me at this moment are: I had a baby boy named Will this past January, a major exacerbation which left me with extremely limited use and weakness in my legs for the better part of 2 months last summer, I discovered I love to swim and am equally excited about continuing to swim for my cardio workouts and general peace of mind, Tori began pre-school (!) last fall, I took an amazing vacation with my husband to Jamaica all the way back in November 2011 and I am still proudly vegan-ish. The -ish part is for fun since I do eat fish and the occasional egg!
I have been thinking a lot lately about sitting down and picking the blog back up. Writing was a good way for me to reflect and sort my thoughts on the things happening in my life. Although it's a bit of tunnel vision since I am writing within my own world, maybe some of the things I share can help others. We'll see.
For now, happy birthday to me as I tip back a small glass of wine since I am still on the clock. A short break never hurt anyone, and neither did a glass of wine.
Wow, am I really 37? Don't answer that. Cheers!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Is it ready yet?
I need some recipes. Actually, I have a ton of vegan recipes, printed and neatly arranged in a folder that is easily accessible. So what's my problem? The problem is time. I (we all) need more time. Time to shop for, time to learn, time to prep and time to cook. We all know our favorites eventually take us a minial amount of time, but in the beginning, it just simply takes longer. And, I think I need some new vegan recipes that excite me. I have mastered the stir fry. I'm pretty much an expert when it comes to putting a variety of veggies into the sautee pan, adding flavor and then putting it over quinoa, rice, noodles, pasta...early on in this blog I posted my favorite recipe. It still is, but it seems boring right now.
So hear it is. I have quinoa, rice, lentils, cans and cans of cannellini beans, black beans, tomatoes. Suffice it say I have a good amount of base ingredients. I've eaten enough eggplant this summer to turn purple and I am still scared of that section in the produce section of the grocery store where you might find swiss chard and parsnips. Swiss who?
If I am going to self diagnose this post I would have to say that I am just being lazy and that I am overwhelmed with my life. I had hoped that the grocery store would be my new playground and while I have gotten grocery list ideas from fellow MS friends following this diet, I still find myself gravitating toward instant meals. I have "cheated" more than I would like and at the moment, I am annoyed. I am looking for a rhythm that expands beyond the diet. It would be great to find a natural flow from recipe discovery to shopping to cooking to tasting to incorporating a dish into our normal meal plan. Maybe I set my expectations too high, I don't know. I felt completely discouraged at the grocery store tonight, having more to do with the fact that I was there at 9 p.m. on a Sunday night when I had hoped to relaxing at home. Also, it is taking longer to cycle through the dry foods we already had. I thought initially it would be best to transition that way, but as I approach 3 months and still find myself having to work in the last of these foods, it takes more thought than I care to put towards it. And that brings me back to my original issue: time. I don't have the time I want to devote to this right now and because I am still a newbie, it all feels very frustrating. When I was at the grocery store tonight I went for "staples". Tori's milk, bread, eggs, yogurt. I also needed to get some other items that required label reading and it took forever. I mean, forever. Until (and if) I get the time to really start cooking and baking from scratch, I need to carefully read the labels to find vegan shortcuts. I am thankful for Amy's brand frozen foods. I was thankful mostly to find her version of the vegan hot pocket. Again I say thank you to something I can microwave! And that is what really bugs me. I know I will get over the "time" issue. I always do - it goes along with the saying, "practice makes perfect". Repetition makes time. It does this because you become more efficient. So what really bugs me is that we live in an instant society. There is no delay of gratification, it all comes to us whenever we want it, and pronto. And if it doesn't? Well, we get anxious and impatient, and frustrated that we can't have it NOW. So while my frozen, heat-it-up-in-the-microwave vegan burrito is great, at the end of the day it doesn't satisfy anything except my need for immediate gratification, and maybe a little nutritional value. I am not going to become a vegan by virtue of not eating meat and dairy. I am going to become a vegan by adopting the entire lifestyle which is making time to cook meals, making the time to learn about food and how to prepare it, and making time to enjoy the experience longer than 1 minute and 30 seconds, turn once, and cook for an additional 1 minute and 30 seconds.
So hear it is. I have quinoa, rice, lentils, cans and cans of cannellini beans, black beans, tomatoes. Suffice it say I have a good amount of base ingredients. I've eaten enough eggplant this summer to turn purple and I am still scared of that section in the produce section of the grocery store where you might find swiss chard and parsnips. Swiss who?
If I am going to self diagnose this post I would have to say that I am just being lazy and that I am overwhelmed with my life. I had hoped that the grocery store would be my new playground and while I have gotten grocery list ideas from fellow MS friends following this diet, I still find myself gravitating toward instant meals. I have "cheated" more than I would like and at the moment, I am annoyed. I am looking for a rhythm that expands beyond the diet. It would be great to find a natural flow from recipe discovery to shopping to cooking to tasting to incorporating a dish into our normal meal plan. Maybe I set my expectations too high, I don't know. I felt completely discouraged at the grocery store tonight, having more to do with the fact that I was there at 9 p.m. on a Sunday night when I had hoped to relaxing at home. Also, it is taking longer to cycle through the dry foods we already had. I thought initially it would be best to transition that way, but as I approach 3 months and still find myself having to work in the last of these foods, it takes more thought than I care to put towards it. And that brings me back to my original issue: time. I don't have the time I want to devote to this right now and because I am still a newbie, it all feels very frustrating. When I was at the grocery store tonight I went for "staples". Tori's milk, bread, eggs, yogurt. I also needed to get some other items that required label reading and it took forever. I mean, forever. Until (and if) I get the time to really start cooking and baking from scratch, I need to carefully read the labels to find vegan shortcuts. I am thankful for Amy's brand frozen foods. I was thankful mostly to find her version of the vegan hot pocket. Again I say thank you to something I can microwave! And that is what really bugs me. I know I will get over the "time" issue. I always do - it goes along with the saying, "practice makes perfect". Repetition makes time. It does this because you become more efficient. So what really bugs me is that we live in an instant society. There is no delay of gratification, it all comes to us whenever we want it, and pronto. And if it doesn't? Well, we get anxious and impatient, and frustrated that we can't have it NOW. So while my frozen, heat-it-up-in-the-microwave vegan burrito is great, at the end of the day it doesn't satisfy anything except my need for immediate gratification, and maybe a little nutritional value. I am not going to become a vegan by virtue of not eating meat and dairy. I am going to become a vegan by adopting the entire lifestyle which is making time to cook meals, making the time to learn about food and how to prepare it, and making time to enjoy the experience longer than 1 minute and 30 seconds, turn once, and cook for an additional 1 minute and 30 seconds.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Are you ready for some football?
It’s been another 10 days or so since I last had the opportunity to sit and write something meaningful for this blog. I am going to get into football shortly, I promise. First I want to update you on the purpose for which this blog was written: to chronicle my adventure in conforming to a new lifestyle that will help me get physically well and beat MS. Think of it like a commercial break. Hopefully short enough to keep you in front of the TV but long enough to be informative. My diet continues to go well and I have been getting to the gym as I promised myself I would every morning that I work from home. Between work and summer travels, I am visiting the gym at least 3 days a week. While I am adjusting to that routine, I do feel better with my fitness level and expect to start gaining strength over the next two months. I have been hesitant to set specific goals for increasing the intensity of my cardio workouts or weights for strength training so I have kept my overall routine simple: cardio and abs one day alternated with strength training of arms, legs and back the next. The summer heat is bothersome occasionally, and I am learning to balance my workouts so I have noticed that some days I feel great and others I feel really sluggish. It seems like it is one extreme or another so I feel confident that I am moving in the right direction but there is a definite sensitivity to overdoing it that I have to be mindful of.
Well, if you’ve made it through the first paragraph, congratulations. Tee hee hee. Now I am going to get into the real substance of this blog post and talk about football. American’s favorite past time. Well, until someone got greedy, that is. I am not going to discuss how I feel about the NFL lock out. I don’t know exactly how I feel about it to be honest. Early on I read the daily articles and people’s criticisms on the subject. I can’t say that I see both sides, because I’m not sure I fully understand the depth of the debate. What I do know is that it is midway through July and there is no hope at this point of any games, any time soon. This makes me sad. I love football and I love the prospect at this time of year of watching the preseason games. You get to see the rookie players and even though they are just “practice” games, for some of the players it determines whether or not they are going to play the real deal. And I always like the surprise in mid-August as summer is winding down thinking, what? Football is on tonight? Yes! The rush of knowing the football season is starting is equivalent to when the first warm day of Spring arrives after a long winter and you know nicer days are ahead.
For me football is associated with so many good things about life. I had hoped this would be my first year participating in a fantasy league. I started to get into football in 1997 and while it took a few years for me to catch on to the game itself, once I was settled into the rules, I started to learn about the players…recognize names, know what position they play, and who they are as players. Can you say, thank you highlight reel?? Not only are sports highlights entertaining they are educational! As a girl I can say, who knew? If you ever saw the movie Something About Mary and you are a girl, you should take a hint from the movie and start watching Sports Center. And it is even fun to still pick teams according to how stylish their uniforms are. Really. You might even start to associate player’s names with the colors of uniforms, it doesn’t matter, the point is, football is fun whether you are just discovering it or a long time fan. It’s social, it’s controversial during and post season which makes great conversation at any time of the year, and there’s like 1/10 the amount of games compared to baseball and therefore, easier to follow in my opinion. But then again, if you’re really into it, football is a major commitment every Sunday. At least 9 hours if you try to watch the 3 scheduled games in their entirety, live. I recommend recording the games and zipping through the commercials. We’re spoiled now-a-days with technology, aren’t we?
Until the lockout is resolved, I have been trying to think of fun ways to still honor the football season. If I could run I thought it might be nice to start up a flag football league. Even the absence of running, I guess I could be the ref. Scary! I am also considering learning footie this year. Some of my very close friends would be thrilled. And what if we were able to watch a season of Replacements? I could fill my Sundays with football themed movies as well. I usually stop there as I don’t really want to consider the alternatives, I want football, real football! And I can't even fathom the fact that some of my favorite players might retire...I am only speculating of course but I feel like some of them only had another year or two left in the league anyway until they made the decision to retire happily and healthy. When football does return it will be very interesting to see what unfolds.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
I think I am afraid of the duck.
And if it jumps on this boat, I am going to bubble it! I won't name names as to who might have said this (it wasn't my daughter Tori) but that comment got alot of laughs this last weekend when a quiet Saturday afternoon boat ride turned to raucous when a mallard duck decided to camp out on the swim platform of our boat. I guess that is why they say, don't feed the ducks?
I have totally missed writing the past two weeks. I have so much on my mind! Everyday I think of something I want to write about, but then life takes over and before I know it is 11:00 p.m. and I decide that I shouldn't keep my eyes open any longer thinking about how busy I already am the next day. My life has been a good busy. My new job was supposed to bring more calmness into my life, but so far it is a frenzy. But I will repeat: a good frenzy. I feel good every day and I think that is the most I can expect for now.
I took some time this week to catch up on doctor's appointments. Standard physical, scheduling my annual MRI scans, follow up with the neurologist, blood work. All the not-so-fun, but alas, necessary check-ins we need. My primary care physician put some fear in me because for about 6 months not only has my left leg been getting weaker, it also has very poor circulation. Like everything else, I thought with a good diet and exercise, gentle stretching, moving during my work day so I am not confined to my desk chair would all help to improve the symptoms I was having. I didn't feel any pain, or numbness...it was just cold and sometimes even a purply color. Not so pretty. After talking to my doctor she indicated that it was a cause for concern greater than I anticipated. All she needed to say was "if untreated, the weakness could reach a point of no return." No return. Really? Now that scared me. I've been making changes in my life to strengthen my leg and now you're telling me I might not be able too? Yikes. She recommended seeing a vascular specialist, but first checking in with the neurologist to see if it was related to my MS. My neurologist told me that circulation issues were very rare in MS patients and it likely wasn't linked. During our discussion we talked about the spine, and how I do have a small lesion on my spinal cord and a bulging disc that may be resting on a nerve and how not all disc issues are caused by a significant event such as a car accident and then <BAM> it hit me! In January during one of a million (yes, a million) snow storms we had this past winter I took a pretty hard fall while carrying Tori. Combine an extra 25 lbs. of weight with a slip on the snow and ice, landing right on my tailbone, and leaving me motionless for a good minute, might be cause for some residual injury to the old spinal cord that would of course unveil itself in a sneaky and subtle way. So now I have that theory to contend with and probably a couple of follow up visits to a spinal specialist and a chriopractor. Long story short: I feel relieved that it is not linked to my MS because it is another tick in the "this can be fixed" column after some therapy of some sort, or maybe just time. That is, if my theory is correct.
The lesson I learned here is that often times those of us with a critical illness, and even those of us who are completely healthy, tend to direct our ailments onto one particular course, which in my case is MS. And while my fall back in January didn't exactly demand medical attention, I only keep the memory of that event in my mind as the after effects of a crappy New England snow storm. I mean, I have MS so everything odd that goes wrong must be intertwined. Nope, wrong. For the future I will listen to my body a little more carefully, and maybe schedule my appointments more timely too. And more importantly, not allow MS to define me.
One other life lesson I learned these past few weeks has to do with speaking and sharing your passion. When you do activities that you love, you attract people of similar likeness. I appreciate everyone who has commented on this blog so far via this website or private message. I am touched by the people in my life.
And back to the duck story, Tori has been belting out quacks with enthusiasm, Russ has about 1500 photos on the camera of said duck, I am still figuring out how you might "bubble" something and our dear friend Kris who accompanied us that afternoon, well she can chalk up that moment to another crazy and amusing day in our lives!
I have totally missed writing the past two weeks. I have so much on my mind! Everyday I think of something I want to write about, but then life takes over and before I know it is 11:00 p.m. and I decide that I shouldn't keep my eyes open any longer thinking about how busy I already am the next day. My life has been a good busy. My new job was supposed to bring more calmness into my life, but so far it is a frenzy. But I will repeat: a good frenzy. I feel good every day and I think that is the most I can expect for now.
I took some time this week to catch up on doctor's appointments. Standard physical, scheduling my annual MRI scans, follow up with the neurologist, blood work. All the not-so-fun, but alas, necessary check-ins we need. My primary care physician put some fear in me because for about 6 months not only has my left leg been getting weaker, it also has very poor circulation. Like everything else, I thought with a good diet and exercise, gentle stretching, moving during my work day so I am not confined to my desk chair would all help to improve the symptoms I was having. I didn't feel any pain, or numbness...it was just cold and sometimes even a purply color. Not so pretty. After talking to my doctor she indicated that it was a cause for concern greater than I anticipated. All she needed to say was "if untreated, the weakness could reach a point of no return." No return. Really? Now that scared me. I've been making changes in my life to strengthen my leg and now you're telling me I might not be able too? Yikes. She recommended seeing a vascular specialist, but first checking in with the neurologist to see if it was related to my MS. My neurologist told me that circulation issues were very rare in MS patients and it likely wasn't linked. During our discussion we talked about the spine, and how I do have a small lesion on my spinal cord and a bulging disc that may be resting on a nerve and how not all disc issues are caused by a significant event such as a car accident and then <BAM> it hit me! In January during one of a million (yes, a million) snow storms we had this past winter I took a pretty hard fall while carrying Tori. Combine an extra 25 lbs. of weight with a slip on the snow and ice, landing right on my tailbone, and leaving me motionless for a good minute, might be cause for some residual injury to the old spinal cord that would of course unveil itself in a sneaky and subtle way. So now I have that theory to contend with and probably a couple of follow up visits to a spinal specialist and a chriopractor. Long story short: I feel relieved that it is not linked to my MS because it is another tick in the "this can be fixed" column after some therapy of some sort, or maybe just time. That is, if my theory is correct.
The lesson I learned here is that often times those of us with a critical illness, and even those of us who are completely healthy, tend to direct our ailments onto one particular course, which in my case is MS. And while my fall back in January didn't exactly demand medical attention, I only keep the memory of that event in my mind as the after effects of a crappy New England snow storm. I mean, I have MS so everything odd that goes wrong must be intertwined. Nope, wrong. For the future I will listen to my body a little more carefully, and maybe schedule my appointments more timely too. And more importantly, not allow MS to define me.
One other life lesson I learned these past few weeks has to do with speaking and sharing your passion. When you do activities that you love, you attract people of similar likeness. I appreciate everyone who has commented on this blog so far via this website or private message. I am touched by the people in my life.
And back to the duck story, Tori has been belting out quacks with enthusiasm, Russ has about 1500 photos on the camera of said duck, I am still figuring out how you might "bubble" something and our dear friend Kris who accompanied us that afternoon, well she can chalk up that moment to another crazy and amusing day in our lives!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Out with the old, in with the new
Good morning. The title of this entry is not original, however it seems to be the story of my life recently. Today marks another end, and Monday a new beginning. I work in the mortgage industry which has experienced turmoil since 2007. It's almost embarassing to complete an employment application because I have had at least 5 different employers since that time. My career has always been important to me and therefore I have taken risks to help push me up the ladder. Ironically, my transformation to a vegan diet is more of a risk than the new job I begin on Monday. This time, I am taking the safe route with my career with the hopes that I can enjoy my personal life and new journey more than I have in the past several years.
The decision to take this new position was tough. I had two opportunities, both at completely different ends of the spectrum. To keep it simple, it came down to a few basic things. Career vs. Family. Prestige vs. Wellness. Creative vs. Specifically Outlined Tasks. I chose Family, Wellness and Specifically Outlined Tasks. For awhile I felt maybe I was taking a step back by going this route and that plagued me. Why did I feel this way? I happen to know the people I would be working for and I adore them. They are uber successful so what was it that was bothering me? And what if I had chosen Career, Prestige and Creative. Would I be feeling the same way? Anytime I thought of those three words my gut reaction said stress. Stress is not good. Stress will over take all the positive changes I am making. Stress will make me a distant wife and mother. I need a break from stress. As each day draws closer the feeling that I just can't put my finger on subsides and the excitement is growing. I see endless possibilities of incorporating my get well plan and I imagine how happy I will feel most of the time. I will enjoy the work, I will enjoy my family and I will enjoy myself more knowing that I made the right decision. The thought of being a better wife, mother, sister, friend, daughter, coworker, and person makes me smile. I polled just about everyone that is close to me in my life including personal friends, business friends, mentors and if my mom has to hear about it one more time, she might stop taking my phone calls! If you didn't hear fromme on this subject, you are lucky and should feel relieved. I just wanted to get it right and even though I am technically the only one who can really answer that question, I still wanted everyone's opinion. What if I was missing something?
Bringing newness into life always carries the mixed emotions of excitement, nervousness, anticipation, anxiousness...to name a few. I think this is true of all experiences whether it is as simple as buying a new gadget or as complex as bringing a new baby home. I still get a mixture of these feelings at meal times, both when I am preparing my own food or making a selection at a restaurant. I try to be flexible at restuarants. The only oil that I am technically able to have is extra virgin olive oil. I would feel very uncomfortable asking the wait staff to prepare my food in such a strict manner, it seems unreasonable to me. Sticking to broiled, raw foods or pasta with a red sauce has seemed to be my best options and if it is made with a little butter, so what? I know I am avoiding the main no-no's like fried foods, dairy, meat, and extra satuated fat through staying away from cream sauces. Most restaurants offer healthier options such as gluten-free or wheat pasta, have vegetarian sections in the menu and if you ask, are accomodating to your needs. Instead of asking them to prepare my dish in a specific way, I simply ask for the cook to go light the sauce, or ask for none at all. At home, I worry more about preserving the good qualities of the foods, overcooking and making the most of flavor as I experiment with new spices. A good portion of my next grocery trip will be spent in the spice aisle. Side note: very excited about that.
The last thing I have to say regarding "out with the old, in with the new" is that when you take action in this way, you are setting goals for yourself. Goals are so important. I believe you are making a conscious effort to walk forward in life. The goal does not have to be a grand finale, it can be a series of simple steps that you take one day at a time.
The decision to take this new position was tough. I had two opportunities, both at completely different ends of the spectrum. To keep it simple, it came down to a few basic things. Career vs. Family. Prestige vs. Wellness. Creative vs. Specifically Outlined Tasks. I chose Family, Wellness and Specifically Outlined Tasks. For awhile I felt maybe I was taking a step back by going this route and that plagued me. Why did I feel this way? I happen to know the people I would be working for and I adore them. They are uber successful so what was it that was bothering me? And what if I had chosen Career, Prestige and Creative. Would I be feeling the same way? Anytime I thought of those three words my gut reaction said stress. Stress is not good. Stress will over take all the positive changes I am making. Stress will make me a distant wife and mother. I need a break from stress. As each day draws closer the feeling that I just can't put my finger on subsides and the excitement is growing. I see endless possibilities of incorporating my get well plan and I imagine how happy I will feel most of the time. I will enjoy the work, I will enjoy my family and I will enjoy myself more knowing that I made the right decision. The thought of being a better wife, mother, sister, friend, daughter, coworker, and person makes me smile. I polled just about everyone that is close to me in my life including personal friends, business friends, mentors and if my mom has to hear about it one more time, she might stop taking my phone calls! If you didn't hear fromme on this subject, you are lucky and should feel relieved. I just wanted to get it right and even though I am technically the only one who can really answer that question, I still wanted everyone's opinion. What if I was missing something?
Bringing newness into life always carries the mixed emotions of excitement, nervousness, anticipation, anxiousness...to name a few. I think this is true of all experiences whether it is as simple as buying a new gadget or as complex as bringing a new baby home. I still get a mixture of these feelings at meal times, both when I am preparing my own food or making a selection at a restaurant. I try to be flexible at restuarants. The only oil that I am technically able to have is extra virgin olive oil. I would feel very uncomfortable asking the wait staff to prepare my food in such a strict manner, it seems unreasonable to me. Sticking to broiled, raw foods or pasta with a red sauce has seemed to be my best options and if it is made with a little butter, so what? I know I am avoiding the main no-no's like fried foods, dairy, meat, and extra satuated fat through staying away from cream sauces. Most restaurants offer healthier options such as gluten-free or wheat pasta, have vegetarian sections in the menu and if you ask, are accomodating to your needs. Instead of asking them to prepare my dish in a specific way, I simply ask for the cook to go light the sauce, or ask for none at all. At home, I worry more about preserving the good qualities of the foods, overcooking and making the most of flavor as I experiment with new spices. A good portion of my next grocery trip will be spent in the spice aisle. Side note: very excited about that.
The last thing I have to say regarding "out with the old, in with the new" is that when you take action in this way, you are setting goals for yourself. Goals are so important. I believe you are making a conscious effort to walk forward in life. The goal does not have to be a grand finale, it can be a series of simple steps that you take one day at a time.
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